The Australian comedian and actor discusses his final day on earth…
Have you ever felt like you’ve died onstage during a stand-up gig?
Yes, I have died onstage once. Then three days later I appeared, just like Jesus only funnier.
How do you want to leave this world?
With carry-on luggage only. I’m supposed to leave this world next Tuesday at 10.00am but I’ve requested a late check-out.
Do you have any deathbed confessions?
I’ll tell you next Tuesday.
What’s your last meal?
A MacDonald’s Happy Meal – that way my body will be preserved.
Are you going to Heaven or Hell?
I’ve already been to Hell several times, sometimes called Rockhampton, Queensland.
What do you say to God if you get to Heaven?
I will say, “Where the hell have you been and why don’t you answer my calls?”
What did you know now that you didn’t know at 18?
That my pubic hair would turn white.
What’s the dumbest thing you ever did on Earth?
I sold all my shares in Apple – “This computer thing will never catch on,” I said.
Name one thing you’re glad you’ll never have to do again.
I hope to be so successful that I never have to answer questions like this one.
Which of the seven deadly sins gave you the most trouble?
None. I’ve been able to enjoy all the deadly sins in full and even added some myself, like sitting on an air hose – I’m not sure what category this fits under.
What are your friends saying over your casket?
“Wow, that’s different – an edible casket.”
Who would you like to be reincarnated as?
Katy Perry, for obvious reasons.
What’s written on your tombstone?
“Coming soon”.
Finally, what can audiences expect from your upcoming show in Sydney?
They can expect to laugh their arses off. I will be selling replacement arses after the show.
Akmal will perform his show Open for Renovations on May 3 and 4 at the 15th annual Sydney Comedy Festival. The Festival runs from April 22 to May 19. For more info and tickets go to www.sydneycomedyfest.com.au
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