The Kiwi comedian, writer, actor and host of hilarious podcast SIZZLETOWN discusses his last day on Earth…
Why is your podcast SIZZLETOWN garnering a bit of a cult following?
It’s the world’s only late night call-in podcast. I have absolutely no idea how people know when to phone in, but they do and most of the calls are completely insane.
How do you want to leave this world?
I would love to kark it onstage before a paying audience. Surely you would be guaranteed a great review – “A definitive performance he’ll find hard to top”.
Have you ever felt like you’ve died onstage during a stand-up gig?
Like all comedians, I have died many times over onstage. In the early ’80s I was in a sketch comedy group in New Zealand and during one gig at a rugby club we were going so badly that several large men retrieved a Maori canoe from the foyer and heaved it up onto the stage. It’s never a good show when someone throws a boat at you!
What’s your last meal?
Some sort of degustation deal that goes for several days.
Are you going to Heaven or Hell?
As someone who has worked largely on commercial radio, I’m assuming Hell. Playing “Summer of ’69” by Bryan Adams that many times will surely have consequences in the afterlife.
What do you say to the Devil when you get there?
“Before we get started, can I have my parking ticket validated?”
Which legendary people will you hang out with in the afterlife?
Everyone involved in the most notorious conspiracy theories so I can find out what the actual story was. Lee Harvey Oswald, for example. Was he actually in the Book Depository? And what did he think of Gary Oldman’s performance in JFK?
What’s the greatest Tony Martin body of work that never saw the light of day and why didn’t it?
Three years ago, Sarina Rowell and I wrote a six-part sitcom called Childproof, which was knocked back by every Australian TV network, including Presto – remember them? It was about a couple who have chosen not to have kids and we were told the subject was “too niche”. We subsequently staged it as a live show, recorded it and released it as a podcast. This year, it won Best Comedy at the Australian Podcast Awards. Who’s laughing now, Presto?!
To whom on Earth do you owe an apology and why?
Luke McGregor’s mum. She didn’t realise that I am a friend of Luke’s and was quite upset when, in my role as VO man at this year’s Logies, I shouted ‘Cop that, Luke McGregor!’ after his loss for Most Popular Actor.
What’s the dumbest thing you ever did on Earth?
Put $300,000 of my own money into a film I made. It was the only way I got to have complete control of the project. “Never invest in your own film,” they say. And they’re right!
What are your mates saying over your casket?
“I’m pretty sure it’s a hairpiece.”
What or who would you like to be reincarnated as?
That old bloke who runs Victoria’s Secret. He seems very happy with his path in life.
What’s written on your tombstone?
“Keep it down up there!”
Got any last words?
“And I’ll be back with more after these messages.” ■
Tony Martin’s SIZZLETOWN’ podcast is Free to download now on iTunes, Apple Podcasts and PodBean Twitter: @mrtonymartin Instagram: @sizzletownpodcast
INTERVIEW BY SANTI PINTADO
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