Scariest bump in the night
High Tension (2003)
After watching Alexandre Aja’s horror debut, you’ll be hoping that 2am thud wasn’t the sound of your dad’s head hitting the floor. Aja’s gruesome decapitation scene may just be the most startling separation orchestrated by a Frenchman since Tony Parker’s split with Eva Longoria.
Scariest take on the housing market
Dream Home (2010)
In this gleefully gory Hong Kong slasher that satirises the property bubble, a woman obsessed with owning the perfect condo drives the price down by butchering others in the building. If you think real estate sounds boring, don’t worry: two audience members vomited at the premiere.
Scariest dinner since meeting your girlfriend’s parents
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
When Sally is forced to sit down for supper with a dysfunctional cannibal family that’s just murdered her friends, the poor girl can’t make a dent in her plate of (human) sausages. With apologies to Jessica Biel’s overflowing tank top in the remake, the original wins.
Scariest chick flick
The Descent (2005)
A film about six women embarking on a caving adventure together sounds about as exciting as Crossroads, until you realise the ladies are being hunted by flesh-hungry humanoids.
Scariest Use of a Rusty Stapler
The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence (2011)
A mute security guard who’s obsessed with the original Human Centipede uses a staple gun, knives, crowbars, and duct tape to join his 12 hostages’ arses to each other’s mouths, creating one disgustingly long digestive tract. Hope no one had Indian for dinner.
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