Brain Dead 2007
Nothing says Halloween quite like brain-eating zombies and topless girls with enormous breasts.
Big Tits Zombies 2010
Buxom, undead-fighting Japanese strippers with chainsaws. Not convinced yet? How about reanimated sushi and a geisha zombie who shoots flames from her cooch? Thought that’d do it.
Deep River Savages 1972
Director Umberto Lenzi is credited with starting the Italian-cannibal movie genre with this film. His mum must have been so proud. And how can you not love a flick that stars a beautiful Asian actress named Me Me Lay?
Psychos in Love 1987
Two lonely people discover a mutual fondness for killing and dismembering. Their romance is challenged when the garbage disposal gets clogged with body parts and the plumber, who happens to be a cannibal, blackmails them into supplying him with fresh meat. Now there’s a heart-warming love story.
The Innocents 1961
In this atmospheric film set in Victorian England, Governess Deborah Kerr becomes convinced that two young orphans she is hired to take care of in a spooky mansion are possessed. Proof that you don’t need blood, monsters, a man-eating plumber, or even colour photography to tell a chilling ghost story.
Vampyres 1975
Still haven’t had your fill of ’70s lesbian-vampire B-movies? Here’s another. The “vampyres” in this one are bisexual, but that’s OK by us.
The Long Island Cannibal Massacre 1980
The budget was a reported $900 – and every penny is right up there on the screen. A group of murderous lepers with a taste for human flesh are hunted by a gang of motorcycle yahoos. The climax features over-the-top gore and one of the best chainsaw duels we’ve seen in a long time.
Raw Meat 1973
This tale of cannibals loose in London stars the dependably hammy Donald Pleasence and British horror stalwart and future Saruman the White Christopher Lee (albeit briefly). The gore effects are pretty good for its time.
Black Christmas 1974
Rather stab yourself in the eye out than watch Chrissy flicks on December 24? Screen this instead. It’s from A Christmas Story director Bob Clark but rather than bunny suits and holiday cheer, you’ll see a dark thriller about a serial killer offing girls at a sorority house.
Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl 2009
Despite the cheesy title, this New Wave Japanese vampire tale is stylish and inventive. It’s also hyper-violent right from the opening minutes, when a bloody flying skull sucks a young woman’s face off… and not in an intimate way.
Pulse 2001
The Japanese horror-film industry has come a long way since Godzilla vs. Megalon and now produces some of the world’s best ghost stories. Pulse, about a computer-haunting evil that lures victims into committing suicide, is
a good place to start. Like many of the best Japanese and Korean horror films, this was remade into an inferior US version.
The Seventh Curse 1986
Best Hong Kong monster/black magic/kung fu/nudie/Indiana Jones/Evil Dead rip-off movie ever. High praise indeed.
The Shiver of the Vampires 1971
Lesbians! Bloodsucking! Seventies natural breasts! What’s not to like? Well, it is in French with subtitles, so you’ll have to do some reading if you want to follow the dialogue.
The Quatermass Xperiment 1955
This British gem took horror further than nearly any film of its time, earning a rare X rating in the States. A returning spaceship crashes with only one of its three astronauts still aboard – and this guy is in serious trouble, slowly mutating into a blobby, cactus-y thing. A forgotten classic.
Deathdream 1974
Another nice creepfest from the early career of A Christmas Story’s Bob Clark. When her son is reported killed in Vietnam, Mum prays it’s a mistake and he’ll return. It isn’t a mistake, but he comes home anyway… sort of.
Attack of the Beast Creatures 1985
Wait, isn’t that title redundant? Never mind, that’s the least of this movie’s problems. The others would be the terrible acting, the inept cinematography, and the plot about a group of shipwreck survivors washed up on an island populated by what appear to be man-eating tiki dolls. On the other hand, it does have this cute film credit: “Hairstyles by DJ’s Hair-Inn.” Good going, DJ!
Contamination .7 1993
No list would be complete without a film so bad that it’s awesome. Trust us: Contamination .7 is that bad. The plot – nuke waste dumped in a forest causes the foliage to turn killer – couldn’t be less original. The acting is on a par with a preschool Xmas pageant, and the “special effects” consist of a guy off-camera jiggling dead branches. It’s also known as Troll 3 and, like Troll 2, another stinker, has nothing to do with trolls.
High Tension 2003
The story is standard-issue – two women are stalked by a killer in an isolated farmhouse – yet the film is anything but, unless you watch a lot of movies where a man masturbates with a severed head. In which case, never call us. Get the unrated version, and prepare to be poop-your-pants scared.
The Bleeding House 2011
A cheerful killer invades an isolated home but doesn’t expect to encounter an occupant even crazier than he is. Eerie.
The Midnight Meat Train 2008
We wonder if anyone told Bradley Cooper what they planned to name this film when he agreed to star in it. He plays a photographer attempting to catch the Subway Butcher, a serial killer. It’s based on a Clive Barker story, so you can count on things getting bloody and very bizarre.
Inseminoid 1981
A scientist exploring a distant planet gets knocked up by a huge, insect-monster thing. She then proceeds to murder her co-workers. The gore is cheesy and the plot is ripped off directly from Alien, but you have to give props to the title (later changed to the pedestrian Horror Planet).
Martyrs 2008
It’s hard to describe this French-Canadian shocker without spoiling it for you. Let’s just say it’s about a young woman who may have been kidnapped and tortured as a child and may be haunted by a disfigured ghoulish woman. Or maybe she imagined it all. In the States, Martyrs got an R rating for “disturbing/severe aberrant behaviour, strong bloody violence, torture, child abuse, and nudity” (and that was the edited version!). An American remake is reportedly in the works. And they will, as always, f—k it up.
Sleepaway Camp 1983
Despite the innocuous title, this is one of the best ’80s slasher films and features the only death by curling iron we can remember seeing. After Angela’s parents are killed in a boating accident, she is sent to a Christian summer camp (freaky!), where teens soon begin dying in horrible accidents. The effects are above average, and the twist ending is a killer. Spawned several sequels but none as good as the original.
Bloody Pit of Horror 1965
Also known as The Crimson Executioner, this flick stars Mickey Hargitay (husband of Jayne Mansfield and father of SVU’s Mariska) as a red-spandex-clad hunk who ruins a sexy photo shoot in a castle by killing all the models in medieval torture contraptions. There is some blood and horror, but not a single pit in the whole damn movie.
The Pit 1981
Luckily for the pit-deprived, there actually is one in The Pit… Well, it’s just a square hole in the woods, but it is filled with cannibal trolls, which a weird local kid keeps fed by luring friends and family into their lair.
Microwave Massacre 1983
A man gets so tired of his wife’s cooking that he kills and eats her. For seconds he lures prostitutes to his home and makes them into delicious microwave meals. The killer is played by Jackie Vernon, best known as the voice of Frosty the Snowman.
Eyes Without a Face 1960
Yes, Billy Idol stole his song title from this French film, but don’t hold that against it. In Eyes Without a Face, a doctor kidnaps young ladies and tries to graft their faces onto his disfigured daughter’s noggin. Creepy.
I Saw the Devil 2010
In this Korean shocker, a government agent tracks down the sadistic serial killer who butchered his pregnant fiancée. Min-sik Choi is a delight as the hard-to-catch psycho. Super violent (think: hammers, ice picks, fish hooks, and dumbbells as weapons), and engrossing.
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