One man’s personal journey and struggle with depression, the extraordinary way he overcame it and his advice on how to deal with mental illness…
hen professional photographer (and part-time MAXIM snapper), Jason McCormack, found his dad unconscious on the floor of his apartment, he proceeded to perform CPR and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation — but it was to no avail. “I watched as they took him out in a body bag — it was very traumatic,” Jason recalls. For Jase, what followed on from his shocking life-changing moment was a lot of mental health issues, but he was determined to deal with his demons and depression. His way of getting himself out it was to overcome his fear of deep water swimming and start doing ocean swims — to the point where he trained and conquered the infamous Golden Gate and Alcatraz swims in San Francisco, California.
“About two years ago I was on a boat moored just off Alcatraz, the infamous penitentiary that no-one is believed to have escaped from, and was about to jump into the ice-cold waters of San Francisco Bay to swim back to the South End Rowing Club, just near Fisherman’s wharf,” explains Jason. “The distance is about 2.5km, which is equivalent to around three laps across Bondi Beach — that’s about 800 metres from the Icebergs to the boat ramp on the northern end.”
To survive such an experience and the trauma of losing his father, Jason believes physical fitness and joining a community group are mandatory. “There were some really black days after dad’s death and I can honestly say the only thing that got me through it was the swim community at Bondi Icebergs. In particular, Eric Lobbecke and our swim group captain, former Icebergs President Alan Gow.”
Jason is also a firm believer in the “it’s OK to talk” movement, suggesting, “Always call someone if you’re not feeling OK.” And that’s just what Jase has done and continues to do. For his Life’s A Beach podcast, legendary lifeguard and media personality Bruce Hopkins (aka Hoppo) from TV show Bondi Rescue chatted to Jason — his longtime mate — about the day his dad died, what ensued and how he managed to overcome it all. Here’s an extract of their banter…
Hoppo: I’ve done a lot of resuscitation work as a lifeguard over the years, but luckily it has never been someone who is a family member. Jase, you found your dad on the floor in his unit and you had to perform CPR on him. Take us through that.
Jason: Yeah, fortunately, I’d been doing the volunteer lifesaving for quite a few years [at Bondi Beach in Sydney NSW]
and I never thought I’d have to use it on a family member. Dad wasn’t answering his phone and I had a key to his apartment… I found him with his eyes open, motionless, collapsed by the side of the bed. The first thing I did was call triple zero and then I went into CPR mode. So, you know, you put the phone on speaker, make sure that the front door is open so that the Ambos and the police can get in and then start performing CPR. It seemed like an eternity. I was obviously in a great panic. When the police arrived, a policewoman took over from me but unfortunately dad had passed away. And yeah, I did my best. It’s one of those things you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy, but he’d had a massive heart attack. I gave it my best shot — I’m always grateful for surf lifesaving to have taught me that skill and I know that I can do it in the future if need be.
Hoppo: And that’s the tragic side. I’ve had many I haven’t got back and plenty that have. You’re really waiting for the paramedics to arrive and that’s the problem a lot of them have, because they’re usually 10 minutes behind after the call to get to the patient. And the timelines are quite significant. So, they’ve pronounced your father dead — what happened from there, mentally? How did you cope?
Jason: Well, I went through that day in a very bad way. I basically reached out immediately to my nearest and dearest, called quite a few people, got over to my cousin’s place and the rest of the family arrived from there. Fortunately for me, I’d given up drinking about five months before and, you know, the first go-to for me would have been to have a drink. I knew that wasn’t the way to go because I’d had depression issues and that was one of the reasons why I gave it away. I knew that wasn’t going to make anything better. So, I was determined to just get through it – having some sort of clarity in my life. I’d been a swimming member of the Bondi Icebergs and doing the Sunday races and stuff. I’d always been by the side of the pool looking in envy at the guys that swam the bay and thought, “Jeez, I wish I could do that.” I had a great fear of deep water swimming but I’d grown up surfing at Tamarama and around Bondi. So, I made a pledge to myself to try and engage in a community, a sport – not just the races, but more. A sport that involved a bit of fear to get the endorphins going and to set myself some goals to reach an end goal, so I could come out the other side. The very first time I attempted a lap it was fairly good conditions and, as you know, Bondi is 800 metres long. I got to about the 700 metre mark and had a panic attack. I just totally freaked out. And Alan Gow, who leads the group, and is a past President of the Icebergs, had to settle me down. You know, get me on my back, deep breathing, all that sort of stuff to get through that panic in the water. Eventually, I reached the other side – we swam to the boat ramp and I got out of the water. I just did the one lap but, generally speaking, we swim from the Icebergs to the boat ramp and back at the bogey hole at the Icebergs. Gradually, I got that first lap out of the way and then I did the second one and it went on from there. I started swimming in all sorts of conditions and got my confidence up. So then the Bondi Icebergs swim, with their sister club SERC (South End Rowing Club) in San Francisco, organise this big Alcatraz swim in the San Francisco Bay, and I thought I’d set a goal for myself to try and swim Alcatraz. That was the beginning of it all.
Hoppo: Once you decided on doing the Alcatraz swim did you do more training than what you were doing before? What was your plan?
Jason: Yeah. The swim was in August 2019 and I started training around January 2019. I just said to myself that, on the recommendation of the more experienced swimmers, I’d swim in all conditions. It doesn’t matter if the shark alarm goes off that morning or if there are rips running or if there’s wind or even if there’s bluebottles in the water – that kind of stuff to mentally harden yourself for what you’re about to face – because there’s every chance that we’re going to face some pretty strong variables in San Francisco. I basically forced myself to get into the water no matter what kind of conditions and that served me quite well. By the time I got to San Francisco I felt fairly confident. We even did the Golden Gate swim, as well, underneath the bridge.
Bridge swim, starting at the south tower
Hoppo: Did you find that by doing the swimming at Bondi and achieving that goal of swimming in deep water, after what you dealt with your father, it helped you mentally?
Jason: Oh, absolutely. It was number one. We scattered my dad’s ashes off the Icebergs a few years back and when I swim out there I feel like I’m with him. And, you know, I say hello to him every morning – he’s the one that got me into cold water swimming. I used to go down with him to North Bondi when I was a kid and we were just in and out – not stay in the water but just go for a quick dip. And that’s not a common thing. I mean, most people swim in the warmer months but I always took the cold water swimming on board. I absolutely idolised my father and it was a big deal for me to have done that with him. I really feel at one with him out there, like he’s protecting me. Nowadays I feel very, very calm when I get into the water at Bondi – it’s really like a meditation for me because when you do two laps you’re in the water for about 45 minutes. You work out all your ideas for the day and while it’s going on you’re doing deep breathing, there’s the natural ions in the water, the bonding with the swim community, the serotonin comes into play… all that sort of stuff. So, yeah, it’s very beneficial.
Hoppo: What was the feeling like when you first got to San Francisco before the swim?
Jason: There were four swims and we did what’s called an acclimatisation swim, which is in the aquatic harbour just outside the South End Rowing Club. It’s a fenced off area so no nasties can get in and the current doesn’t get in there either. So we got in there to test the water temperature and it was a bloody cold 14.5 degrees Celsius. I swam with a wetsuit on but a lot of the guys didn’t – they just swam in their Speedos. Obviously, I was a relative debutant at it – I was the least experienced as I hadn’t been one to do the ocean swims in Sydney. So we did the first swim to get used to the water, then the second one was absolutely terrifying because we jumped off Fort Mason into the water and it was about a 12-foot drop at the end of the wharf. That’s when you could feel the current, the famous San Francisco Bay current, coming through. All you had to do was tread water and it just took you like a stream train all the way back to the aquatic harbour. That’s only about 15 minutes away and once you’re back inside the harbour you’re OK. We worked our way up incrementally — on the third day we swam underneath the Golden Gate Bridge and the fourth day Alcatraz.
Hoppo: What was it like going under the Golden Gate Bridge?
Jason: Amazing. Two different sensations for me – I hadn’t planned on doing the Golden Gate because it got pretty hairy when they did it a couple of years ago. They had to do that jump at 6am and it was dark, windy, the current was really strong… but on the day they did the briefing for our swim it was near perfect conditions. One of the guys said, “Go and get your wetsuit, you’ve got to do this. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.” So I raced back to the hotel and got my gear. It’s 1.5 kilometres, pillar to pillar, and the main factor was the fog – yes, it was that bad. You couldn’t see the bridge when we were going out on the boat and the swim wasn’t going to happen at one stage. We had a cut-off point of 10:30am and if it hadn’t cleared by then, it was a no go. Well, bang on 10:30am it cleared – the sun burnt through the fog and it was on. Next minute were all lined up on the back of this catamaran. We jumped in and it was a cold like I’d never felt before – absolutely freezing! My heart almost came out of my chest and it was deadset like going down the rapids – you were just up and down and sideways and all over the place. I just followed the bloke in front of me. Actually, one of the American guys was what they call my “Swim Angel”, they give you a buddy swimmer and he swam with me – little did I know it was his first time as well! Then I saw a row boat and I remember just following this guy on the row boat, just trying to catch up to him, but I kept bumping into different Iceberg swimmers. We kept giving each other encouragement and then right at the end one of the American ladies had a camera and she took a shot of all of us together, high-fiving. It was the best feeling ever, like running the New York Marathon or winning a grand final. It was absolutely the greatest feeling of elation I’ve ever had in my life to have achieved that. And it felt like my father was with me the whole way.
Hoppo: You felt your dad was with you.
Jason: Absolutely. It was the purpose of the trip. Well, it was a dual purpose trip because I’ve got family in San Francisco, through my mother. I’ve got four uncles, one aunt and 12 first cousins. All Americans through my maternal grandfather who was in the U.S. Navy – and I’d never met them. Long story short, we reconnected with them a few years ago and that afternoon, after the Golden Gate swim, I met them all at a barbecue for the first time. So, to them, I was just this mad cousin from Down Under who was in San Francisco doing the Golden Gate/Alcatraz swim. I went to bed that night knowing the next thing in front of me was Alcatraz!
Hoppo: So, you’ve done the Golden Gate Bridge, celebrated with your buddy and it was his first time, then met relatives you’ve never met before and haven’t done Alcatraz yet?!
Jason: Yeah, it was a bit of a sleepless night because it was a 10:30am jump the next day for Alcatraz. It started with the big briefing at the club and I remember
one guy did a traditional Hawaiian prayer to safeguard us all and stuff. It was quite a solemn occasion and I remember having a minute’s silence. Next thing you know we were on the boats ready to head out to The Rock. The famous Rock.
Hoppo: So, give us an insight on the Alcatraz swim, start to finish. Do you start off from The Rock?
Jason: Yeah, you go out on a couple of boats from Fisherman’s Wharf and head to just off Alcatraz Island, then you launch from there. This is an inter-club swim – it’s just the two clubs, about 80 swimmers all up – around 23 Aussies and the rest Americans. You dive off the catamarans into the water and of course it’s freezing again! You’re all together, but the current separates you pretty quickly and all of a sudden you end up swimming alone. One of the crucial factors is that you’ve got to stay on course because they say you’ve got to stay within a certain parameter of the kayaks and Zodiacs on either side because they can’t rescue you if you go outside those areas. So basically, you’re aiming for the twin towers at San Francisco, near the club, and you’re constantly looking up making sure that you’re heading in the right direction. I remember bumping into quite a few of the Iceberg crew along the way and having a quick chat. There’s all sorts of thoughts going through your mind because for me, it was a 52.5 minute swim – there’s all sorts of emotions running through you and at one stage I wanted to get out. I wanted to put my hand up, but I just sort of drew strength from my old man and said to myself to just stick with it. I got through it but at the 1.5km mark it was once again like Golden Gate where you’re going from side to side and being moved around. The fog was quite heavy, too, and you couldn’t see much into the distance and you can’t see through the water like you can at Bondi – it’s quite different water. Then, of course, the odd shark is probably roaming around and also the rogue seals. Once I got to about 600 to 700 metres off the aquatic harbour, the current was really strong – it’s like swimming against a rip which slows you right down.
Hoppo: So you’re swimming into the current at this stage?
Jason: Yeah, it kind of goes in an arc where it takes you off course because what happens is that the water is surging in from the Pacific Ocean and coming into the harbour and then carrying it out again. There’s really only a one-hour window of opportunity to do it. They look at the tides and the currents and make sure they pick the optimum time to do it. So the current got really strong at the end, I was really battling against it – you just stop and have a bit of a breather, then keep going. Once you’re in the aquatic harbour section you’re pretty safe from the current and it’s just a slow and steady swim to the finish line. The officials are there to take down your times and then we had a big party at the end of it all. As you can imagine I was just totally exhausted, particularly when you throw in the Golden Gate swim the day before. It was just physically and emotionally draining but those two days are the greatest things I’ve ever done in my life.
Hoppo: It would have been amazing finishing something like that. What was it like when you got to the shore?
Jason: It was a feeling of achievement, overcoming personal demons, physically drained and thankful and grateful for the swim community that got me there and supported me through some very, very dark times. As you know, I’m a photographer and the journey really started when I was on a photo shoot just after my father’s death. I was on a shoot for one of my clients and I was just absolutely bawling my eyes out, sitting in this café, just beside myself with grief and depression. The shoot was with a guy named Justin Hanby, a lawyer who’s an English Channel swimmer. We had a good conversation that day and he went to the Black Dog Institute – I ended up going there on his recommendation and speaking to some people there about overcoming depression. It was there where the journey and my interest in ocean swimming really started. Justin introduced me to Peter Joseph, who is the Chairman of the Black Dog Institute and we started swimming together. And he’s a great ocean swimmer. So there was that community there, apart from the Bondi Icebergs, that drew me to them and I could see the value in it. I saw an article with Chloe McCardle about swimming the English Channel 44 times, which is obviously a world record, and how she took to the ocean swimming to manage trauma. She said how beneficial exercise is in releasing endorphins and the benefits of bonding with community and there’s so much evidence out there that it’s a great thing to do. I’ve made it my lot in life to spread this message showing how you can get through tough times — you can get through grief, trauma, depression by taking on a community sport and finding good community to get over it. You are a good chance of getting through this stuff if you can find something like this and set yourself goals. The amount of suicide in men and women… we need to get those numbers down.
Jase and his mate taking on the San Francisco Bay current; the view of Alcatraz Island from Aquatic Park Cove
Hoppo: Great, great advice, mate. And you are proof of this. Try and find something – if it’s not swimming then find other community activities in sport or it could be just walking. But what you get out of it is just so good for your mental health.
Jason: Yeah, I mean even the volunteer lifesaving was something. I’m 55 and I only got into lifesaving in my late forties. I was living up the coast and started patrolling Killcare on the Central Coast – that’s how I got involved in that community. Having obviously grown up on the beaches, just being in the water for community fitness and getting into some sort of routine is so important – we swim at 9:30am every morning, so it’s a constant routine. And the thing is, in the mornings you’ve got to get aerobic, get out of bed, maybe go for a walk, go for a swim, no matter what the weather is like. Just get the heart rate up, get the body moving and set yourself some goals.
Hoppo: That’s so great, mate. You’re proof that if you put your mind to it you can basically achieve anything and anything is possible. Thanks for telling your story, mate. I might do it myself and get a whole group together — go over and swim Alcatraz.
Jason: Oh yeah, I’d love to. Probably do it for one of the charities to raise some funds and awareness. It’s a very good idea. So, we’re back over there in 2023
to do it again.
Hoppo: So that might be a goal [2023]. We might put it out there to all our listeners from all around the world. If you want to jump on board, we just might have a go. Thanks, Jase.
Jason: Thanks, mate, I appreciate you having me on your podcast. If it helps one person then we’ve done our job. ■
For mental health support go to www.blackdoginstitute.org.au or call Lifeline on 13 11 14
GOING HOPPO
The Life’s A Beach podcast is presented by Head Lifeguard and media personality, Bruce “Hoppo” Hopkins. As a respected water sportsman and competitor, Hoppo has won two gold medals at the Australian Surf Life Saving titles, and as President of Surf Educators International he has travelled the world to educate on water safety. Known to his fans as the fun-loving, down-to-earth lifeguard from TV’s Bondi Rescue, Hoppo has spent nearly 30 years working on Australia’s most infamous beach and for his podcast he opens up to fans like never before. Portraying another side to the lovable larrikin, Hoppo and his guests discuss life stories — the good, the bad and everything in between, in an open and candid forum. Each week they share their own challenges and struggles and in true Hoppo style there’s some light-hearted jokes and banter along the way. As the old saying goes, while life’s a beach, it can also be a bitch! For more go to www.lifesabeach.co
By JASON McCORMACK with BRUCE “HOPPO” HOPKINS
Feature Image by FRAN HEGELER
For the full article grab the February 2022 issue of MAXIM Australia from newsagents and convenience locations. Subscribe here.
