Having oral issues with your partner? Is scoring a BJ in the bedroom proving tougher and tougher? Our resident Sexpert takes a look at all things fellatio….
According to recent research by Love Matters, over 70 percent of men prefer fellatio to sexual intercourse. As a blowjob enthusiast, this statistic excites me. Much like anal sex, blowjobs don’t result in the production of children so they really are purely for recreational pleasure. Some men believe the request for fellatio is a male-dominated act yet I beg to differ. I love the dominant/submissive aspect of giving a blowjob. When I give a blowjob, my mouth is his master. Before we delve deeper, it’s important to point out that neither viewpoint is right or wrong — it just comes down to one’s perspective.
Boys in their late teens and early twenties believe many girls would prefer to give head than receive cunnilingus due to vaginal shame and concerns about their body image. This is unfortunate because guys in this age group are enthusiastic about cunnilingus. Perhaps sex education in Australian schools should focus on female sexual pleasure instead of pregnancy and STDs. And what about men who have chosen monogamy, what are their views on the ol’ tonsil hug?
According to Professor Denise A. Donnelly at Georgia State University, 15 percent of married couples haven’t had any type of sex with their partner in the last six to 12 months. Throw in kids, stress, work schedules and that damn COVID and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.
I decided to solicit feedback from men in my networks about their experiences of fellatio in connection with monogamy and invited them to send me a DM. I heard from married men, single men, engaged men and, of course, the players. In all honesty, I wasn’t expecting such candid and thoughtful responses — after all, sexless relationships are a taboo topic and often painful to talk about.
“Most blokes aren’t honest about how important blowjobs are as we think they’re onerous,” one man tells me when I ask him why fellatio becomes scarce in long-term relationships. Another guy writes, “Blowjobs do not equal intimacy, at least not in my case. She just wanted to suck me off and make me cum so she could get some sleep”.
There was anger, frustration and sadness in many of the messages I received. Several men told me they were “embarrassed” about their sex lives and that it was something that they “struggled” with. One man in particular was more accepting of his situation saying, “It’s been months since my last blowjob, no real excuse, my wife and I are not feeling the need like when we first started out”.
When I asked the men in my networks what the ultimate blowjob quota would be per month in a long-term relationship, the answers ranged from eight BJs a month to 24, with one man saying he’d be happy to receive one every day. The majority of men were convinced that women weren’t interested in giving head. And even if they did perform fellatio at the beginning of the relationship, it soon fizzled out after the ring got put on their finger.
When I was collating all the answers to help form this article, one major thing came to light — most of the men I interviewed were under the impression that other men were having better sex lives than them. Now whether this is because men “talk it up” to one another, I have no idea. But they were convinced they were in the minority when it came to blowjobs and women.
Fellatio can be a magical experience for both the giver and the receiver but it’s vital that we keep communicating with our sexual partners, instead of shutting down or shutting off. Every man, whether married or single, is entitled to fellatio and if your needs aren’t being met for whatever reason, now would be a good time to fix it. Because quite frankly a sex life without fellatio sucks.
If you have been with your girlfriend or wife for some time and they have expressed that giving and receiving oral sex isn’t for them, you can’t force them but ask yourself, “Am I content to stay in a relationship that isn’t sexually satisfying?” And if you’ve never discussed your existing oral sex issues, you need to — sooner rather than later. When a partner, male or female, is continuously rejected in the bedroom, resentment builds in other parts of the relationship and the ship starts to sink. Honest communication is the only way to improve oral sex with a partner because you can make changes, seek alternatives or decide to call it a day. If it was me, I would choose the latter because I need oral sex within a relationship and my needs matter. Perhaps yours should, too? ■
By Vanessa de Largie
Vanessa de Largie is an Australian actress, sex columnist and freelance journalist
For the full article grab the November 2021 issue of MAXIM Australia from newsagents and convenience locations. Subscribe here.
